this afternoon i drove to king soopers and sat in the parking lot in my car for 45 minutes and then turned around and drove home. i don't know why. there must be something wrong with me. i think i kinda just wanted to find someone i knew there and pretend like it was a coincidence. but instead i just watched all the people rushing in and rushing back out, yelling at their kids and screeching their brakes. and i wondered how many of them wanted to be there and how many more of them were happy. i don't know. my mind has been wandering all over the place lately.

you sit there and drink your water and think about the future.
and i'll sit here and count in zeroes and ones in my head.
0101001 1001 10101 101001 1100 1100 1001001 100101001.

i had a dream about a slug. he followed me everywhere and left a pearly trail behind him and we slid along, being careful to avoid pointy looking rocks and pointy looking people and salty spots. and i bought him an ice cream.

the world drew itself up around me today, following my lead. as if i knew where i was going. i would step and there it would be, and when i left there it would go, blooming in front of my cautious feet, tracing and outlining shapes, people, faces, faces. and i turned around and there was nothing, nothing, nothing there.

and someday i'll come upon a kinder world where people like you and me, they are genuinely happy. but i guess we'll just have to learn how to hold our breath until then...

she had walked for miles and miles
until she came upon the waterless sea
just the shadow of water
the memory of water
remained
washing over her
lying
with arms outstretched
on the ocean’s cracked floor.
and she could feel it coming,
this tidal wave
she closed her eyes
and took in its hungry roar
as it swallowed the world
up around her,
and she stuck out her tongue
to taste the salt on her dry sunburnt lips
as it loomed,
nearer and nearer it came,
higher and higher it grew
until it fell right down upon her
came down around her,
washed over her
every thought
every fear
everything
and she
let
herself
drown,
she let it in
willingly
in her imaginary sea.
and when she finally opened
her slow tired eyes,
she swore she could
still hear
the tide.