you know, it really is never a good idea to put jalapenos in a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich.
just a general rule.

i always thought i was brave.

and now that i know i'm not, i don't know what to do.

i don't know how to handle fear.

monterey

sea.
faces.
our room without a view.
sand.
rocks.
cable tv and being able to watch tlc.
ships.
fortune tellers.
seagulls.
coffee.
sand dollars.
salt water taffy.
neon sweatshirts.
waves.
overcast skies.
storms.
when we threw our change into the ocean to thank it for such a lovely time.

stuck

i misuse my senses so much that my body has decided to compromise them. i have trouble hearing. i wake up and i can't see. i have a hard time feeling the things i carry in my hands and then i forget they are there and i drop them. and break them. my mind has had a really hard time focusing lately. its foggy. my actions are in slow motion. i see myself move and feel as though i'm watching from someone else's point of view.

i'm a mental paralytic...

what's left to lose? i've done enough. and if i fail, well then i fail but i gave it a shot. and these last three years, i know they've been hard. but now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun. even if its alone...