charles

every morning, everyday of the last seven months i have driven to the bus stop, stepped on to the "big yellow", which more closely resembles a WWII tank than anything else. made around the same time too, i should think. i take my seat in the 5th row and greet my middle aged moustachioed driver, "chuck", and he always says the same thing: "another day, eh abby?" i never was quite sure what that meant.
i had felt like me and chuck were on pretty good terms; i know more about him than any one person would think. he is a potbellied, graying vegetarian with a weakness for anime and meditation. he also has the single most intense pair of eyebrows that you will ever see.
all this to say, i know chuck, and i thought he knew me. well enough, anyway. that is, until, last week sometime, when i stepped off the bus with a "thanks, chuck" and he replied with a "have a good day, jackie". sure. "jackie". it has been jackie ever since.
i have nothing against the name jackie. i know quite a few delightful young ladies by that name.
but chuck, i thought we understood each other. was it something i said? please let me know how i may remedy this as soon as humanly possible. if you're looking for me, i'm at home having an identity crisis.

swept away

hey. hey you. you with your fancy words and fancy clothes and huge mansion house. you're not impressing anyone. you're not fooling anyone.
i am waiting. i am waiting. i am waiting still. for anyone, for anything. look behind you, see where you've been? its only in your head. its only then you feel alone. why do You always leave me wanting? not more. not more. just the same. not the presence, the absence.

n/a

running alongside the highway with melissa and found what looked like a novel had exploded. there were papers everywhere for at least a quarter of a mile. i picked up one of the sheets and tried to read it to mel and run at the same time, which is not as easy as it sounds. the only word i remember is applicable. that is non- applicable. apply yourself, abby. at this school, we learn applicable skills for life. life skills. skills we can apply. don't be so distracted. when applied, you can accomplish great things, abby. that information is non- applicable.

ugh. what a stupid word.

farenheit

today while i was walking, i found a blank puzzle piece. those are the best kind i think. then you can put it anywhere you like and it will still work.

minus me. plus you.

i wish it would rain
the sky would lose all composure
and let the rain tumble out
with thunder
and lightning.
then i would tiptoe outside
so as not to disturb the audience of stars
dancing behind the clouds
and sit under my lightpost
and take it in.
i love it when nature shows off for me.

if home is where the heart is, i'm a stranger here

this was supposed to be the future
yet i seem to remember all this
look up at the sky
just take a look


dear hannah: say hello to my tree for me. i am missing him. i am missing you.

don't forget to blink

"i'm confused," said the girl. "why are you putting me through this? i know you could get me out and i don't understand why you are making me suffer..."

"little girl," replied the wind, "why do you not trust me? when have i ever failed you?"

"but sir, you do not understand. i'm scared and alone and i need to know you are with me..."

"dear child," cried the wind, so as to make himself clear, "you need not worry. you need not be afraid. i have always been here. i will always be here. look me in the eye- trust me, everything will turn out right. what you are going through can only make you stronger. i am making you stronger."

"i trust you." said the girl, closed her eyes and let the wind play with her hair.

aurora

this music fills something missing inside of me and brings sunshine into my life. if music can make you weak in the knees, then this will.
so, you should check these kids out. they're pretty much amazing:

http://www.myspace.com/theaurorasite

i'm sorry this is how it turned out. i just thought you should know. i didn't mean it to be like this. i'll make it better, i promise.

so today, me and megan were talking about science for some reason. probably cuz we're cool. anyway. we both looked at each and said "you remember bill nye the science guy?" at the SAME EXACT TIME. it was sooooo cool. i swear, we are telepathic. or something.

when it rains
in this part of town
it really does pour
rain tumbles down

golden

i think of myself as a very unpredictable person. even if that isn't true, it's kinda how i view myself. like one of those volcanoes that if you poke it, it explodes. for some reason, that image really appeals to me.

at sixth grade graduation, our teachers came up with one word to describe how they viewed us in a nutshell. i'm pretty sure that my sister's adjective was enigmatic. or apithetic. or something along those lines. anyway. i went up there hoping for something powerful like "gung ho" or something. i walked up there, recieved my diploma, and heard the words "abigail mcmillen. loyal." i ended up with loyal. now, i have no problems with loyalty; "but really", i remember thinking, "is that all they got for me? loyal?" that always reminds me of golden retrievers for some reason.
at lunch today, a bunch of my friends were talking about people and i was too. i admit it. i caught myself laughing along with them about kids who weren't there. who were my friends. our friends, actually. and i thought, "is this what happens when i leave? as soon as i'm gone, do they start talking about me?" this was the moment when i realized that being called loyal, truly loyal, is one of the most precious complements you or anyone else could ever have. and i got up from the table and left.

static

spinnning in circles
just stare at the ceiling and spin
collide with yourself
don't ever make up your mind
shatter your conceptions
look what a mess you've made now,
all these broken dreams all over the carpet
gosh abby, clean up after yourself
maybe then things will be clear in your head
you see, life has made me a bit dizzy
and i'm ready to leave
and start over. somewhere new
where things aren't always up in the air
and we play it by ear
and talk about people other than ourselves

juno

i just drank an entire galloon of milk. out of the jug. i know i spelled gallon wrong, but i like it that way better. galloon. mmmm... i love skim.....
i saw the movie juno today. it was super good. and megan's real cool. love that girl.

up down up down up down.
it'd be real nice if you'd just pick a side.
thanks. we all appreciate it.

i'ma gonna go to goodwill now. and by some neon clothing. for neon night. represent

peculiar

waiting for my paint to dry. i'm sitting in my laundry basket next to the stereo. and it's cranked up real loud so i can sing and no one gets offended. i'm excited and i don't know what for. and i love that feeling. hugs all round.